No. 10 follow your heart

last night i had to say the hardest goodbye i've ever had to say in my entire life.

kayla is, no doubt, one of the closest people in my life. it is so weird to think that she is really gone.


now anyone who knows me, knows kayla. we are what you may call inseperable. but we werent the overbearing type. we both understood the others priorities and other friends. it was the perfect balance. the time we shared over the past year has been amazing. my only regret may be that we werent friends sooner.

kayla always wanted me to go for what i wanted to do. and she is doing what she thought she wanted to do. shes following her heart..

...and now its my turn.


to the end of the earth and back. to the deepest corners of the bottomless sea. whever your heart may lead, may you follow.

No. 9 never give up

and then there was me.

now that emma is gone, i really am the single member of the core four still at home.
it's quite tragic.

in my free time i have finished the twilight series and yesterday i finished my chelsea handler book(which was hilarious.). and now that i dont have school every other day i went to emmas on wednesday to wish her off. i got her a little vera keychain thing cause homegirl was in desperate need and we watched olympic men's volleyball.

and now as i'm nearing the departure of my remaining best friend, kayla, i have one wish for all of my college goers. and that bit of advice is simply the title of this blog.

and pray for me. i may fall into a deep spiral of depression and have serious thoughts of dropping out of high school and move in with my friends at college and roam everywhere.

im totally (kinda) kidding.


never give up... pretty self-explanatory.

No. 8 swing as high as you can

and then there were two.

the core four is diminishing entirely too fast. i find myself stopping to recoup.

this morning you left for the good ole capital of our great state. and while you were gone it was my turn to go shopping. though my closet didnt expand quite as much as yours did, i still managed to get all i needed to begin the school year. and then i went to dinner at applebees, went to the show, then went BACK to applebees for dessert.

it wasnt hard to say goodbye to you. not that we really even said the whole goodbye thing. i think its because i know you'll come back, just like you have. but then i cant seem to stop myself from thinking of the long periods of your absence.

but on a lighter note, my supervisor called me and told me that she could use me for afterschool!!! yay! so im not unemployed!

i miss you.

p.s. gimme yo address!


life is a swing set. it has ups and downs. but always remember how high you've been, even in your lowest of lows.

No. 7 whistle in the dark

i thought i would be more sad. more distraught. i dont really know what i was expecting but not really this. it feels like nothing has changed. that i could go to your house right now and see you there.

i know that when you come home it will feel like no time has passed but while the time is passing i will always wish that we were all together. and i have hardly any time left with the rest of them.

you shouldn't have been first to go.


i want only the best for you and i hope you find something that you're looking for. don't make this trip for not.

until you come home i'll just wait. i'll wait and try to entertain myself.
like i said, i'll prob read.


a whistle is a sound of hope, when you're scared and all seems lost.

No. 6 sing the wrong words

today, and only today, was a very good day.

i woke up feeling the same i always do. work was boring up until the firefighting clowns arrived. they were cheesy but still managed to spice it up. after work i came home for lunch and i took my mom to the movies. we saw mamma mia! (fo free...my cousin works there) and then we went to staples, walmart, poor richards, and the library. mamma mia was very good despite its times of cheese. and i purchased the last two books of the twilight saga and vanity fair. my mom got some cookbooks and printer ink.

all in all, it was a good day.



now yesterday! it was fun but it had its ups and downs.

ups. hanging out with jolyn, being on the board!, seeing katherine, finishing new moon.

downs. paying for a season membership (to be on the board), my mom had surgery, harrison.



take from it what you may.


and now, on to eclipse.


to sing the wrong words is a way to express your own individuality. be different.

No. 5 build sandcastles

it is a mystery.

through all the friendships i've had i cannot remember one that still doesnt hold some significant memory for me. i'll always remember these days as the ones that changed my life. but there are still more days to come. and the mystery is the question that always lingers: was i good enough? as a friend, a son, a student. i surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself, who lift me up. but i have never stopped to realize if i'm doing the same for them.

i would hope so. but now, more than ever, i feel so low. i feel nauseas. as if id done something horribly wrong. perhaps this feeling isnt altogether justified. perhaps its just too late.


i need to read.



a sandcastle is a friendship, a family, or even a small dose of innocence. the things that being alive is all about.